Monday, November 30, 2009

FIFTY??? Where Am I Standing?

Our women's ministry just finished a study. A question really stood out to me. "You're still standing, aren't you?" I mentally took a step back to take a good look at this question. "Yeah," I nodded. "I am still standing."

But I think the real question is, "How am I standing?" Here on the day of the big "FIVE - O" birthday, that's a pretty huge question.

There are quite a few ways I could stand. In the pain from the past, unforgiveness, self-medicated, bitter, worse yet with gaping heart sores oozing with, well...I'm not going to gross you out.

Or... forgiven, bruised, scarred, strengthened, wiser, and able to forgive what has been.

Life is so tough. If you are sailing through, count your blessings, but many haven't and are not sailing through.

A day can start with the sun shining through a slit of your curtain. The birds chirping a song and your heart is singing along. Great hair day, bills paid, food on the table, even those pants from yesterYEAR fit. And then...with no warning, on your next step, you fall into a dark hole. Or you're slammed and knocked down, not able to get up.

The thought, "I'll never be the same again," goes through your mind.

About nine years ago, a few days before Christmas, while on my way to work, I had one of those moments. I can still hear the finality of the sound. Bam! Stopped in my tracks. Knocked down so hard I didn't think I would ever get up. Not only physically, but emotionally. The person in the other car...didn't make it. It was a sound I don't think I'll ever forget.

Some days, the healing process was overwhelming and I would be in a puddle of tears. I wanted to be back to normal and impatient about the whole process.

Normal, as I knew it, wouldn't return.

After agonizing months, I grew to accept my "new" normal and to face the negative things that came from that day.

Most important to me, I learned to trust the "why" question, to be answered in the plan Jesus had for my life. It wasn't easy, many days I sat in front of His throne, the only sound was my voice crying out to Him or the sounds of my sobs. Then one day, when I was ready, He began to speak into my heart and heal me from within.

I didn't do this on my own.

When life throws a curve, I know of many ways to deal with it. A bottle of alcohol, anger, unforgiveness, shopping, eating, isolation, and pushing God's love away.

Where would those things make me stand? Healed? Or stuck?

Who wants to stay in pain?

Where am I standing? I have a lot of scars and wounds I tend to pick the scab off of, (I know, gross, huh?) but isn't it true? Recently, I've received some new wounds and bruises needing some healing. So where am I going to stand?

I stand in the hand of the One who made me. Many challenges have and will come my way. I not only stand, I grip the hand that made me.

The hand that is scarred, from the battle He faced, to fight the biggest battle EVER fought for me and for you. In the hand of my Saviour, Jesus.

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