Picket Fences

In the mornings, the grief reminder greets me. There are days grief is so tangible it is a hard way to begin the day. Opening my eyes, reality sets in, and thoughts I don't want dance in my mind. It is hard to weave through them and focus on or do what is needed for the day. It isn't just my own grief. I think of my family. I think of my friends and acquaintances going through grief, or the anniversary of grief, sicknesses, finances, struggles with addiction, or some other struggle. The grief pile grows in my mind and is heavy on my heart. I know the verses that tell me to give it to Jesus and that is a process too. However, when I do, it doesn't take the sadness away.  God did give me feelings.  I still miss and have compassion for others. I know God understands, I wouldn’t have been told by His Word that the Holy Spirit is the Comforter.  With all the troubles during the holiday season it can become a trial. Except this season is a time of celebrating - THIS - Jesus CAM...

 I hope your day is safe and blessed.  May the God of comfort bring you hugs if you are missing anyone you love.  May God bring you provision if you are hungry or cold. May God protect you if you are in danger. May God's goodness and love surround, and cover us all!

  Life has been difficult lately, to say the very least. I have wrote blogs on this years troubles.  It is a struggle maneuvering through the process of different types of grief throughout this year, alongside the blessings that also happened. It can be a weird sort of juggling act, where all of the blessings seem to go unnoticed dropping around me, and I stay focused on my troubles. Sometimes I hold so tight to one thing that hurts me, or troubles me, or frustrates me, and then I add it to the next trouble that happens, and to the next trouble. Soon the troubles have become so big, I am flat on the ground emotionally. I pile them all together like a huge pile of balls in a jumping pit. GRIEF is a hard one to not focus on, it is a difficult process, the sadness doesn't just disappear, it stays. It is RUDE, It INTERRUPTS life at the oddest times.  In the middle of a good moment, it will tap my shoulder to remind me it is here and to pay attention to it.  I can be on a...

  I read the text that said you were gone. The disappointment, the deepening of missing you, increased immediately, and grief filled my being. My mind struggles when I am at work or at my sister's with the knowledge you won't be walking in the door with your friendly smile and hello. I won't hear your friendly words or your snarky comments when things go wrong.  I know, I know, I know we all get to be gathered together again as Jesus said, however, there is a hole here in the lives of those who knew you that only you filled. Right now it really trips us up. I know we will figure a way to deal - as you would say. You never made a million in dollars, but you certainly made more than millions in love. We all enjoyed you. You brought so much to your relationships even when you struggled. I am so sorry for your struggles. I know you are at peace now. That energetic smile is probably beaming standing in the presence of our heavenly Fathers love. I believe with all my heart you ar...

  I made a comment couple of days ago, of how I would like to be like Peter or Paul right now. I would like to be so close and open to hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit that I can say to her, as she lays before me on the hospital bed, with machines, and skilled nurses working to keep her alive, and comfortable, "Rise and walk, in Jesus name." Or I could clearly hear God say she will, but she will rise into eternity with Me. Instead I pray desperate prayers. I know stories of miracles. I want one now.   I also want to be able to accept if what I want Him to do, is not what He is going to do. I asked myself, and God, How does my faith apply here? How? Looking at the situation, a negative statement made about prayers and miracles frustrated me, and I wanted to have an opportunity  to have a comeback. I suddenly wanted my prayers for a miracle to say, THIS IS WHY I PRAY! Science is silent when God speaks and God moves! Then I asked, how does my faith, my prayers...

 A writer is often met with a very hard decision, when to delete words, they have written. For me, a thought goes round and round in my head, I sit down, type it out, and it is fulfilling to watch the words fall into place. After receiving critiqued or edited work back, I sometimes have discovered a red line with the words “delete” alongside a part that I love. I don’t like it when that happens. It goes both ways. I have handed work back to other writers and I know they don’t always like what I suggest. The final say is the writer’s decision. It is the writer’s story after all. I often wish deleted moments in my life would only pertain to my writing alone, but sadly, I have had to “delete” many times in my own personal life. The “delete” word can show up at times that are very unexpected, or in a place in life that I don’t want to delete something. Recently we had to put down one of our animals. It was a horrible experience. I held her until they said she was gone. It was v...

  Since the day I turned 64, life has been filled with quite a few emotional storms. F5 tornado’s have ripped around in my brain and heart. Blessings, conflicts, hurt, and pain fly around all at once making it hard to focus on something. It has not been easy. All my energy just seeps out of me and washes away like puddles of rain down sewer drains. It leaves me tired, and my knees feel weak. When things seem to be as peaceful as a beautiful day after a fresh rain in the spring, the winds start blowing, and something sweeps in playing chaos with the peace. At the beginning of June this year, we had the surprising announcement that the month would start with RAIN showers. Lots of rains showers. Startling news , especially for those who have lived here for a decent amount of time, and usually don’t even bother with an umbrella, due to rain being a normal part of life. A lot of times it may rain for an hour, or a minute, then the sun comes out, then it rains again, then i...

 I thought it was dead.  I bought this pretty hydrangea tree last year. Over the winter we had a horrible ice storm. Most of my plants made it through okay, but the hydrangea didn't look so good. I did some investigating on the internet. I found a Gardner who showed how to prune the dead limbs and cross limbs off the hydrangea.  I followed the direction of the Gardner very carefully. I ended up with a awkward looking bare limbed looking tree. I even heard the question, what happened to it? I waited. I checked to see if there were any buds periodically. Nothing. Then one day I saw what appeared to be buds down on the lower branches.  I became excited about the tree possibly being alive. I planned to cut the branches down to what appeared to be buds.  First, I prayed over each branch to have life and to bloom.  I checked on it again to see if the little buds were blooming. Not much appeared to be happening.  Would the tree bloom? Would the beautiful flow...

  Have you ever finished cleaning a room and someone comes behind you and messes it up? Or have you ever completed a project and somehow the project is destroyed? I have. It can be frustrating. While reading the book of Genesis, it looks to me as though God has experienced this too.   At the end of each day of creation, God would look at His creation and say, "it is good." He created two incredible people who hung out with Him in His beautiful garden.   Imagine how beautiful it all looked at the beginning of time. Imagine a garden without weeds.   Then a day came when it all went downhill, Adam and Eve took a bite of the fruit from the forbidden tree.   The downhill roll has been going and going ever since. I can only imagine God having to watch the work of His creation as the choices people make messes it up or destroys it. My husband worked on our yard to make it a wonderful oasis. He made a part of this oasis where I can have a beautiful gar...

  Pretty much every morning I open my eyes to a cute little cat staring at me waiting for me to wake up. My other cat is prowling around the bed meowing trying to get me up, usually way before I want to wake up. I say good morning to them, pet them, and they follow me around the room. Then I go into my office where my dogs sleep and let them out of their kennels. Those two dogs get so excited. Their tails wag, and their little bodies wiggle crazily about me while I pet them. Then they greet each other by panting in each other’s faces, chewing at each other, and wagging their tails more. It is truly an ordeal to get down the stairs safely, they are so excited. Once they go outside and eat, as soon as I sit down, they wiggle their way to me and rub their excited little bodies up against me and just want to be talked to and petted. They get so excited as I talk to them and get full of energy, rolling on the floor, jumping, and ending up wrestling with one another. Each of these 4 anim...