2015

It's 2015. Amazing!

I ended the year in a scary situation, in the hospital, with my heart acting up. I'm feeling better. I am being monitored for a few weeks.

Through all the fears, I was surrounded by so much love. I got a big reminder of how blessed I am. I really have an incredible family and incredible friends. While my husband was at work, my parents made themselves completely available to help me through this time. I was able to deal with what I was going through, and my daughter was able to have some extra Grandma and Grandpa time. I could pour out the things on my heart and they would listen. My parents stepped in and helped me when things weren't working out right. I felt safe, comforted, and encouraged. In words and actions their love poured out.

Oh, I am blessed.

And despite my husband having to work, and get ready for school, he was there to talk, hold, and try to do things to relieve stress. Along, with my daughter, who said she would do anything so I would feel better.

My friends and sister were giving me messages of hope through text, and praying for me.

I realized I really needed all of that. There are a lot of stressful things happening right now. I have an enormous amount of my plate right now.  

I had to return to the ER because I had a reaction to the medication they gave me. The nurse directed me into a room. I sat down and waited. When she came in, she asked me a question, and don't ask me why, I just started crying. I apologized, and she told me to just get it all out. And I did. I cried. I talked. She listened.

The doctor came in and was basically the same way.

When being discharged, the nurse finished up the paperwork, and then talked to me. She put what was happening to me in perspective. She explained it so clearly. Then she spoke into my life.

She said I was compiling everything into one pile. I needed to compartmentalize each thing and deal with it as it needed to be dealt with. She also gave me a perspective on my chores list. "So what if you don't get it done? Do it later. You have a lot on your plate. You don't need one more thing."

I took some time in prayer. I did as the Bible said, and cast my cares and anxious thoughts upon Him. I asked for His peace, courage and wisdom among other things. Forgave people where I was holding on to things.

Then I prayed a real heartfelt prayer. I asked God if I really believed. Do I believe He will take these things? Do I really trust Him?

I'm not saying I question whether I believe in Him or that He loves me and has saved me. But I wanted to know if I really believe in Him for the life things. Really believe. Can I pray about these things and really trust Him with them? I've watched Him provide and do miraculous things in my life and others.

Still, do I trust Him with these things that bother me? If I cast my cares upon Him will He really take them? Will He really take my anxious thoughts?

I wanted to really believe.

The Bible tells of a man who watched his son be tormented for years. The disciples tried to free the boy, but it wasn't working. Jesus showed up and talked to the Dad. Jesus asked him, "Do you believe I can do this?" The man said "Yes, but help my unbelief." Jesus healed his son.

^{Mark  9:14-37  NIV}

¹⁴ When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. ¹⁵ As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

¹⁶ “What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.

¹⁷ A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. ¹⁸ Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

¹⁹ “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

²⁰ So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

²¹ Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. ²² “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

²³ “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

²⁴ Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

²⁵ When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”

²⁶ The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” ²⁷ But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

Jesus, help my unbelief.

I'm starting this year, by really taking a good look at my life, at my blessings. The wonderful people who surround me and I love so much.

What things don't belong? What things, do I not trust God, will take care of for me?

I've already made decisions on stepping back on quite a few things.

The Bible says, Proverbs 16:9New King James Version (NKJV)

⁹ A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.

I can plan and plan, but God is going to direct me. So, as I look at my calendar, I pray, what really needs to be on my list Lord?

It will be a process, to not worry, to not over fill my days, and put it all into His hands.

It will definitely be a process.

But one thing I know, as my Dad told me through all of this, "I am very well loved..."

Isn't that the most important thing of all? Isn’t that a great place to start?

Love.

Building love relationships? Taking care of the love relationships in life?

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 NIV

If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecyand can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I hope and pray that this year, you will be blessed with knowing how much, you are loved. And how much God REALLY loves you.