It's So Hard To Remember

I remember, when I got my first pair of contacts, in my twenties. I walked out of the doctor’s office and thought, “Wow! This is fantastic!” Everything looked so vividly clear. And what was really great is the street lights didn’t smear at night.

When I’m around my home I can take my contacts out and function just fine, sometimes I even watch television, but out in public, I need them, so I don’t get a headache straining to see all of the different things.

Quite a few years ago, I had my second operation on my right ear. Afterward, I struggled to hear and had to pop my ear quite often. It was discovered that for some reason my ear drum would invert instead of staying smooth and round. Part of the reason was due to an Eustachian-tube dysfunction, and also the doctors believed there to be a bone problem in my ear in which exploratory surgery is needed. I’ve learned to live with the problem, although it intensified after a car accident, along with irritating noise from tinnitus.

I’ve also had a problem with remembering some things, since having a good conk on the head a few years ago. I need to be sure to be rested, exercise, and eat well so I don’t drain myself physically, otherwise, I get overwhelmed and it gets a bit fuzzy in my head.

It totally sounds like I’m falling apart, doesn’t it?

Fortunately, all of these things I don’t really think too much about during the day, because I’ve learned to live with them. Unless someone sees me popping my ears, or someone has a long enough conversation with me, to realize they need to speak up when talking, it doesn’t affect me socially. Or if I have things written down, or in my calendar, people don’t really realize when I’m tired I could forget something we planned together, unless of course, they’ve been on the receiving end of my forgetfulness.

I’ve learned to manage.

A few weeks ago, we visited Ben’s sister’s family’s church. It was an incredible experience. To start with, the building had the most incredible personality. I could have sat in awe over the design of the building for quite a long time. Then came the worship, which was very well led.

And then came…the message.

I am still thinking, WOW!

Not only did the Pastor talk on my favorite gospel, the book of Mark, but he brought out some points from a passage that I have read and read, never seeing those points before.

Mark 8 is about the second time that Jesus fed thousands. The disciples had seen him do this before. They had passed out the bread, the fish and then picked up the full 12 baskets afterward. Here they are doing it again.

Then of course, there are the Pharisees who have to do their thing and try to ruin the party. You would think they would just get over it and stop bugging Jesus. Anyway…

Afterward, the disciples are on the boat with Jesus. Jesus warns them about the yeast of the Pharisees. The disciples are talking among themselves that they probably didn’t bring enough bread.

Hello! They had just participated for the SECOND time, where Jesus fed thousands from a few loaves of bread! Don’t they remember? Just a few short minutes had passed since the last feeding. It’s rather obvious they didn’t need more than half a slice of bread to feed their small group.

Yet they seem to have forgotten.

It’s pretty unbelievable that the disciples were sitting there wondering about how much bread they had with them when they had just participated with Jesus in feeding thousands.

Evidently, as the pastor pointed out, Jesus wondered it too.

Then Jesus says to them, “Don’t you remember? You have eyes but do not see, Ears that do not hear.”

But then the pastor had to go and apply it personally.

So that got me thinking. Do I remember? Do I see? Do I hear?

Or am I not only have difficulty seeing, hearing, and remembering physically, but spiritually to? Am I blind, deaf, and have a memory problem?

I thought about my life and how many times Jesus has stepped in, how He has always, always been there, yet I get fearful, I worry, I want to do things my way instead of trusting and waiting.

I have sat on the edge of a cliff in life so many times scared of the next step, even though He has somehow stepped in time and time again.  

I seem to have a real memory problem myself.

I know there are lots of times I have spread the news of something amazing God has done in my life and then there is a curve in the road and…I worry…I wonder…I just plain forget.

Truth is I was ill and felt alone. He was there.

When we had no food…we were fed.

When we had no money for bills…our bills were paid.

When we were injured…we were taking care of.

When we lost babies…we were comforted.

Yet…just a few weeks ago I was all in a flutter wondering what on earth are we going to do? Surely, we are doomed, yet the last two weeks, God has taken care of our problem.

He is faithful.

I need to remember.

I need to see.

I need to listen.

Not worry, not fear, but trust in the one who fed thousands years ago from a few loaves of bread. In the one who was determined to have the people He loved spend eternity with Him and not apart from Him, that He gave His life in our place.

To the one who said He would never leave us.



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