Grief is here and it is RUDE

 

Life has been difficult lately, to say the very least. I have wrote blogs on this years troubles. 

It is a struggle maneuvering through the process of different types of grief throughout this year, alongside the blessings that also happened.

It can be a weird sort of juggling act, where all of the blessings seem to go unnoticed dropping around me, and I stay focused on my troubles.

Sometimes I hold so tight to one thing that hurts me, or troubles me, or frustrates me, and then I add it to the next trouble that happens, and to the next trouble. Soon the troubles have become so big, I am flat on the ground emotionally. I pile them all together like a huge pile of balls in a jumping pit.

GRIEF is a hard one to not focus on, it is a difficult process, the sadness doesn't just disappear, it stays. It is RUDE, It INTERRUPTS life at the oddest times. 

In the middle of a good moment, it will tap my shoulder to remind me it is here and to pay attention to it. 

I can be on a walk enjoying the beauty of the changing leaves that have fallen to the ground, and then grief tap, tap, taps my shoulder, "Hellooo! I am here."

I can be sitting with family or friends, and then grief tap, tap, taps my shoulder, "HELLO."

Grief says, remember, remember, do NOT forget the pain I bring. And the brief moment of joy floats away.

I discovered yesterday, I cannot allow grief to hang out with other issues. Whether it likes it or not, it has to be seperate or other issues become larger. 

It is a battle to seperate the good, not so good, the meh, and the grief. Yet, when I do, things are easier to handle.

Here is an example - I hurt my back, then my dog got pretty sick this week. I brought her to the veterinarian and left her there for the day. When it became time to pick her up, I sat in the vets waiting room, battling thoughts of a possible horrific diagnosis, before the vet even told me anything.

And then I added to my miserable thoughts, by thinking -  first this happens, then this, then...and I went through the entire year. So by the time I stood up to talk to the vet, I very wearily walked in to his office. 

Everything became to much, I came home the next day, and my husband had a bad dental thing that caused him pain, people were sick at work, and this all happened on top of everything else.

Trying too walk on that pile of balls I couldn't keep up in the air didn't work out very well. 

Until...I thought wait! (I focused on a blessing ball instead of letting it drop) My back is better. My mom is better now.  Those other things throughout the year are better - and I stopped myself. 

GRIEF!

It is making everything look worse than it is. Yeah, those things are troubles, BUT we can get through them.

GRIEF is making me see things with a sad heart and through very sad eyes. 

Yes, this is a season of mourning, but not everything that comes up throughout the day  is to be added to my mourning. 

Today, I read this prayer in the Bible. I felt it fit so well to help in this season of mourning.  I wanted to share it with you.

Ephesians 3:14

 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (NIV, Bible Gateway)

Grief may be here, but so is God. And God will give me what is needed to get through all of this. 

Amen.

(Note - The picture of the quilt is an end of life quilt. Made by volunteers who are those unsung heroes who demonstrate such a selfless act of love by making them and then donate it to those in their final days. How beautiful!)