“Yes.” I nodded. It was hard for me to admit when I know that I am never alone. I know God is there, yet, that is how I felt in the middle of the struggle. I felt like I was trying to just survive through the challenges of the moments…moments that went into hours…into days…I felt…Alone.
“I know faith isn’t based on feelings, but I really would like to 'feel' Him.” I admitted. “My brain knows He is there. He blesses me. I have faith.”
“But it’s tired. Worn.” She added, understanding as she's had her own battles to deal with lately.
“Yes.” I agreed.
Have you ever felt alone? Isolated? Grasping at the frail end of a rope of faith.
Have you ever felt so tired that even though you have all the knowledge that aids your faith, stored in your head, you can’t hear it? You want to. You know…you know…God is there. He loves you, but the words come as if from an echo down a dark distant hallway.
It’s a time. A time to decide. Do I strain to listen to those whispers of hope that seem so far away? Or do I stare at the struggles in front of me and let the whispers grow more and more faint.
My struggle tells me it will get darker. My faith tells me if I listen, it will get light again. I need to use what strength I have, to strain to listen. I heard Him clearly when He called to me while I walked as a part of the darkness. Though a faint whisper, I can hear Him now as I walk through the darkness.
I have a choice. I can get through the storm believing in His truths no matter how I feel or…not.
That is a test of faith.
I have never suffered to the degree that Job did, all in one sitting. I have never been locked in chains or faced the sword of death for my faith.
I have gone through storms where I felt like I would never reach the shore. When I finally reach the shore, I am banged up and tired, wishing to be able to bask on the shore to rest for a long time. However, no matter how banged up I am, when I do stand up at the edge of that shore, I always have a renewed knowledge of God. I walk away from the storms of life seeing the work He did on my behalf and it makes my faith stronger.
As I walk through life and things from the past fly my way, my shield of faith blocks them from hitting me like they did before, because I now know more about Him. I know He is bigger and greater than those things of the storms.
However, as the new storms I encounter today, swirl around me, pushing me away from the safety of the shore, the knowledge from the past can seem so distant. The roaring of the wind is so loud it blocks out His voice. Yet…it’s there. I know it is. Despite how I feel. I know it is there.
I must choose between listening to the roaring of the wind, or the whispers of my God until He says to the storm, be still.
Then the water will lap around me. I will grope for the shore. And stand once again with the knowledge that my God is bigger than the storm.
Photos by Wayne Swanson 2015