From the Cellars of Choice - My Only One

When up against an unplanned pregancy it can be hard to think ahead to what the ramifications our choices at this time can make.

Many women, years later, discover they aborted their only child. It's a heartwrenching realization when you are on this side of the fence.

Here is a story from a dear lady who is living with that experience.

It was 22 years ago that I heard the news that I was going to have a baby.
At first, I was really excited. I’d always wanted children and the dream
of becoming a mother was finally going to be a reality.

Yet at the same time, my life was like riding a roller coaster, especially
in the relationship department. I don’t like riding roller coasters, but
I’d been on this one for several months and Valentines’ Day had carried us
to the top of the tracks. Well, we all know that a roller coaster does not
remain in position long enough to enjoy the view.

When I told the baby’s father that I was pregnant, he was also excited
until I told him I didn’t want to marry him. Well, then our emotions were
carried by runaway wheels.

The baby’s father would drive down the street and yell from his car, You
better get an abortion or get a good attorney. Get an abortion? I didn’t
believe in abortion? I had no clue why, but I just didn’t. And, get a good
attorney? Well, so much for that relationship. It was over at that point
and I was in the pit of despair and confusion.

At that time in my life I could barely pay my bills. I did have a good
job, but was concerned about not being able to get a promotion. I didn’t
want to let my family down. And, I did not know Jesus.

Well, unaware of their biases, I sought counsel at a well-known agency.
They examined me first and planted a deceitful seed. The nurse told me
that I would have a difficult time having a baby and then she ushered me
next door to see the counselor. She only presented one option--abortion.

And there is something I will never forget: I told this lady I didn’t
believe in abortion--again, I really didn’t know why. But she said, “You’d
be surprised how many Christian moms bring their daughters in for
abortions.” That was so weird to me. I’d given her no reason to think I
was a Christian, I wasn’t. So, why did she say that?

And then a friend’s friend told me that she’d had an abortion and it
wasn’t a big deal. Well it wasn’t long after that that I chose to deprive
my child life on earth and to deprive myself of my lifetime dream.

You know I have heard countless reasons from people for why they’d
choose an abortion – but, I am here to tell you that abortion is not a
solution to any problem. It’s kind of like cutting off your leg because
you have an ingrown toenail. That might solve the toe problem, but now you
can’t walk, run, or play.

Abortion is an evil. An evil that flashes false rays of light in a
person’s life when they are in the midst of the storm of an unplanned
pregnancy. Those involved are led to believe that they’ll just be able to
go on with their lives as if nothing happened, as if the pregnancy never
occurred. That’s just not true.

After my abortion, I existed in a cloud of emotional numbness. I don’t
remember getting down from the abortion table. I don’t remember walking to
the car. I just remember working as much as I possibly could and I managed
to get involved in another destructive relationship. And, I drank a lot.

A year later God began to get rid of those numbing clouds. I began to
attend a bible-believing church and three months later received Jesus as
my Lord and Savior. I am thankful that He changes lives, but He had just
begun. A year after receiving Christ, He called me to volunteer at a
Crisis Pregnancy Center. He had planted a baby Christian where He could
indeed use my wretched past for His glory, but He had also planted me
where I had to face the horrendous truths surrounding my abortion.

I cannot tell you how it feels to know that my little 8-week baby had
fingers and toes. She had a heartbeat, and I believe she could feel the
pain of that abortion.

I believe that if one person would have shown me photos of fetal
development, or if I had the opportunity to see my baby on an ultrasound,
or if one person had offered genuine support, I would probably be
attending my daughter's college graduation this spring. I believe I
wouldn't have had to mourn the loss of motherhood because I would not have
the joy of conceiving another child.

While the regret of that fateful spring day remains, joy has come. I've
experienced a depth of healing that only Jesus can give--through the gift
of relationship with Him and the gift of His healing Word. This joy grows
when I have privilege of facilitating healing Bible studies for other
women who suffer the pain that abortion wreaks in the lives of women.

In the U.S., approximately 1.2 million+ abortions occur every year. It's
offered to women as a solution for an inconvenient pregnancy. It's forced
upon women by abusive and selfish boyfriends or parents. It's marketed to
women as if it's no big deal. Post-abortion pain is cast off by abortion
proponents as a myth. Physical complications are covered up.

Abortion IS a big deal and it's not nice. It's cruel. It doesn't provide a
greater quality of life. It kills life - physically, emotionally,

Unplanned pregnancy is not easy. I know that. But, carrying the baby to
term-- either to parent or to place for adoption--is a choice that bestows
dignity and value to the woman and to her baby. There's difficult
consequences for any choice she makes, but the consequences of giving life
are much kinder, much easier to live with.


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